breakthrough. break out. break down. break up.
spring is officially upon us, along with 80° weather and daffodils that died too soon. the colors and smells of spring rushed into our senses almost overnight, almost before we had time to process the change, but the headiness of it all was much welcomed. although spring isn't necessarily my favorite season, it is a season of new beginnings for me... a real time to reflect as my dormant consciousness yields to my wanderlust. i'm making plans. i'm making changes.
unlike a caterpillar in it's cocoon, i made no real changes this past winter. i laid around, stuck most of the time. unable to move from my SAD state, praying that warmer weather might just change things. but, now that it's warm enough to move around, i've got plans... i wanna look good. i wanna look gooooood! i feel like stepping out in a dress so flowy, so feminine, with the thinnest of straps, made in the softest of materials. i feel like moving around, getting back into yoga, getting back on the tennis court. i feel like spreading my wings, to go somewhere, to do something. wine festivals, New Orleans, Atlanta Greek... i've got plans to make moves.
but, i've got no money. #shruglife. it's easy to look at the news and scoff at the unemployment rates when you have a job that you complain about every other day. but let me give you first hand knowledge. IT'S REAL! i've been looking for work for months with no real leads. i've been told i'm overqualified for a job that i only need to pay the rent. it's depressing and humbling. i've never had to rely on other people. growing up, you never had to worry about Sarah. i was quiet and smart and could take care of myself. i had a good head on my shoulders, as my elder would say. but now, i feel so utterly helpless, with my mother and boyfriend footing the bill for my life. the best part of it all, is you really take pleasure in the smallest of things, such as your friend buying you French fries and a latte because those are guilty pleasures you can no longer afford. i am thankful for so much, although there is latent anxiety and depression.
more than anything, i'm ready for the midwinter monotony to dissipate. with longer nights comes a longing to do more, be more. even if it starts with a good spring cleaning, hopefully that act will make way for new things to bloom in my life. maybe some frustrations will begin to clear up with a clean slate. i wonder what this spring will bring.