I turned 29 today.

When my boyfriend asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, again, just like every year it seems, I was sort of confused. I didn't really want to do anything. He was a bit confused by my choice and wanted to know immediately what was wrong. And nothing was really wrong. I'm just so ambivalent about the whole experience. He still didn't understand; my boyfriend is a couple of years younger than me so his idea of birthdays is doing it big, partying it up, maybe getting wasted. So we're at two different points and he wanted to gain insight on what it felt like to be on the cusp of 30. And the best way I could describe it is that it's on the cusp of 30. You've left your 20's behind for the most part. But you're not quite 30. It's that awkward feeling, sort of like when you're the next person in line. Have you ever been to a deli counter and you're waiting for your number to be called? They call the number right before yours and you get a bit confused. Check your number to make sure it isn't your turn. You do a double take, thinking your eyes might be playing tricks on you.... You're that anxious. You know you're next...but it's not quite your turn. That's how to 29 feels. You're transitioning, true, but you still feel 27. You're ready for 30 but you aren't quite 30. You're just waiting... waiting for the next phase of your life. What has been said to be a great transition to begin. And time flies. I can definitely remember being 25 and it feels like yesterday. So imagine turning 29... still feeling 27... and knowing that a great transition is a short year away.

I don't think my boyfriend truly understands how it feels, but he will see. Soon enough.