but this shan't be about daylight savings time. this shall be an obvious segue, more so than my pride will ever let me admit, into the construct of time and how we use it in life. or misuse it.
no matter where you are on this earth or in your life, a second is a second. a minute is constant. so, why then, does a second feel like a minute depending on the moment in your life? when you're experiencing trauma or boredom, just one second could feel very different. i've known that all in one day, some seconds seem to have been much more tedious and drawn out than all the others... that i remember some and can't even recall another... that few seem like a gift and many seem to escape my grasp even when i've gripped ever so tightly. when i'm running late, i pray for five minutes to extend themselves into 15. when someone else is running late, i pray that I'll be there in a sec! is the truest sec. and the years. THE YEARS! during the summer of 1995, i was convinced that was the longest year of my life. the summer was long, hot and unrelenting; the winter was even crueler. i felt perpetually eleven years old. these years, i regret ever asking time to speed up. slow down a minute, just for a second. time... what a grim fairy tale.
i am fascinated and extremely fearful of the concept of time, that by which we measure living. considering everything we use time to measure: speed, acceleration, momentum... like a ride in the car. how our lives are propelled through this virtual reality of time, ever stop a minute to think if you've taken the right road, if you've sped through the parts you should've slowed down for, if you missed a turn as a result, if you've enjoyed the ride? because this car hasn't the ability reverse and it has no brakes. that's the hardest thing to learn about time.
but, does time teach a lesson? i've had a lot of doubt, not necessarily regret, concerning my life. wondering about the decisions i've made, the ones that seem to have been made for me. were they the right ones, the most effective use of my time, and sometimes am i in the place i'm supposed to be in? maybe i just have too much time on my hands, or maybe this is just the right time to ask the right questions. when things feel off or i've experienced failure, i have to ask, what's the lesson to be learned by the roadblocks encountered in my life? there has to be a reason, right?
maybe it's because i have reached a certain age that i have become so introspective. life is short. one day i looked up, and my childhood was over. entering into a new phase in my life where the things i do and decisions i make hold more weight, carry more momentum... i feel as if i have very little room for error. the car keeps on rolling and the road ahead looks to be bumpier. but, with that realization also means i have a lot more time, a lot more life to live. a new phase. and no matter the doubt, regret, fails, wins, i still have ample time to live it. i might even be wasting time wondering if i've wasted time.
