i thought i saw you tonight.

i was rocking to Lil Wayne or some shit and laughing with my friend when i looked up and swore saw your face... and i couldn't breathe for a second.
in that second, i don't know if i wanted to run away from you or towards you. but that second birthed another and my blurry vision was made clear; it just wasn't you. and i had this weird feeling, somewhere between relief and disappointment.

surprising how often this happens. it's been years and you'd think i'd be over you, but i constantly see your face. those sad, honest eyes haunt me.

as much as i tell myself, and everyone else, that i'm over you and i'm over it, i'm just faking. hoping to speak it into existence. but i talk too softly because some part of me doesn't want it to be true. i miss you.

i'm still in love and i hate it. i feel so pathetic. you've moved on and i can't. but time is moving on for me. and physically, i'm so far removed. as often as i "see" you, i haven't seen you in forever.

but i see who you aren't... every bad date and bad encounter has me imagining how much better you would have handled things. i had a good guy, and those are hard to come by.

i say this now, but wouldn't allow myself to do so in the daylight, when my resolve isn't mired in alcohol and darkness. i remember how fucked up you were in the daytime. i remember how shitty and cowardly you acted.

so, i look forward to the daylight, when i won't allow myself to believe that i just can't get over you.
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